I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
