tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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