Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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