Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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