best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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