Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
