i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
