my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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