is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i think i just lost a toe
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
