Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
