Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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