____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
