just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
