ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
