So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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