i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
