someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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