I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
