SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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