Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
the liver wants what the liver wants
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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