I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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