Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
