omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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