I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
