The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
