god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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