I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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