also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
