Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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