and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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