Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
