i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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