are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
