It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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