So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
