I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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