I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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