I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
