My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
