He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize