Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
