It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
