it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
