Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
