I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
