he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
