I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize