and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize