I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
