It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
