Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
