Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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