I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
