i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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