After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
