No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
