Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
