Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
