Joe is yelling at the trees again.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
