My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So squirting runs in the family.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
