I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
