This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
