I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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