new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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