I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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