That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
sex in a hospital.. check
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
