I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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