i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
