What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize