some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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