i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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