the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
