No awkward lesbian experiences without me
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
