Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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