Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
